Walking on Water

                Yesterday I had one of those days when I questioned whether or not my life is headed in the right direction. I don’t believe staying home with your kids is something every mother should do, but when I prayed about the decision for myself, I felt very strongly that this is what the Lord wants for my family. Since then I am fortunate to have heard nothing but support from those around me saying, “If you can afford to do it, you will not regret it.” My doubts come in because we can’t really afford it. He very clearly and repeatedly confirmed through prayer that He would be with my family and provide for all of our needs. Since I quit my job to stay home, God has provided everything we need, and yet I still have my doubts.

                My husband and I read Matthew 14 yesterday morning and I began thinking about the story in which Peter walks on water with Jesus. In the story, Jesus steps away to pray and when he comes back, all the disciples are fishing. The sea is rough and there is a storm, but instead of waiting for them to get back, Jesus starts walking out to see on top of the water to the disciples. It was around 3am so when the disciples see Jesus coming, they think He must be a ghost. Jesus says, “It’s just me!” (Paraphrase) and Peter says, “If it’s you, let me walk on water too!” (Paraphrase). So Jesus calls him and Peter begins to walk on water. Then Peter realized that he was in the middle of a storm standing on top of a very rough see and became scared by the wind and started to sink. Jesus came and pulled him from the water and said, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

                After thinking about this story all day, I kept feeling the Lord ask me, “Why do you doubt?” If I have already begun walking by faith, how could I start doubting the Lord now? All of my worries about my family’s future are like the wind that scared Peter on the sea, but Peter had already witnessed Jesus calming the winds. I have also witnessed the Lord caring for me in all the ways I worry about, and yet I still allow myself to fear.

                God, please help me not to fear what I know you are in control of. Help me not to doubt what you have asked me to do. Please continue to use me despite my fears and build my faith in You. Amen.