Fear of Love

                It must have been around the first time my son gave me a big hug that I first had the thought that has haunted me ever since. That is no matter how hard I try to maintain this image of perfection that I present to my son, he will one day see many if not all of my shortcomings. There will be a day that I lose my temper and wrongfully take it out on him, and a day when I disappoint him by going back on a promise I should not have made. For now I am grateful to be in the baby years in which he will forget about all of the blunders I make in his presence, but there will come a day when he sees and remembers that I have done something that makes me undeserving of the love children so freely give to their parents and I dread its coming. I can only do my best to be the woman and mother God has made me to be and hope that as my son grows he will forgive me for the mistakes I am bound to make.

                I think we often have a similar fear in our relationship with God. At one time, I felt ashamed and afraid to show God any flaw in my character. I thought if I was not perfect in His eyes then he would not love me the same way. I was afraid to admit even to myself that I sometimes do more wrong than just telling a few “white lies.” In doing this, I missed out on the powerful love of God. When I began to truly believe that God knew even the most evil parts of my heart and He still loved me and chooses by His own desire to call me his child, God’s love and forgiveness was finally real to me and became so much more powerful in my life. 1 John 4:17-19 says, “In this, love is perfected with us so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment, for we are as He is in this world. There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because He first loved us.”

                When I take a minute to think about a love that is so strong there is nothing I have ever said, done, or thought that has weakened it, I can no longer hold on to my fear and I feel unshakable. This is the type of love we are meant to share with the world. In light of this, do I love in the same way that God loves me? Do I give forgiveness easily or do I expect other’s in my life to be perfect? Have I accepted that I am worthy of the love God has given me because He has chosen to give me that love?

                Lord, please help me to accept Your love which drives out all fear. Help me to love those in my life with a love that overcomes failures and forgives. Amen.

Dying In a Corner

                No matter how many times I have tried, I have never been able to keep a house plant for more than a few weeks. Each time I choose a plant to liven up a dark corner of the room, it always seems to die. I have tried flowers, bamboo, cacti, and others but my thumbs have yet to turn green from the experience. In frustration, I finally asked my husband why he was able to keep his plant alive and each time I brought home a new plant it died. He responded gently with the idea that I do not give my plants what they need: light and water. “What is the point of a house plant if you cannot put it in a dark corner to brighten up the room?” I ask in my stubborn nature after realizing my elementary mistake. He has responded by bringing home freshly cut flowers as often as he can.

                This is a silly quirk of my personality which assumes that I can will a plant to stay alive by my persistent good nature and intentions and demonstrates what is often done in ones spiritual life. 1 John is a letter designed to remind its readers to live their lives according to the faith which they have pledged themselves to. It seems like a very simply message: “Love others” but sill the early church needed reminding of this. We have similarly forgotten this basic and essential component to our spiritual survival and I will give you evidence of this. A large majority people who regularly attend church in our culture have never shared their faith with one of their friends. For some people this is because they have no one in their lives who does not know Christ while others simply do not have the relationship or boldness with which they could share their faith openly. In both of these cases we suffocate our spirituality and begin to slowly die. We may last a few weeks hiding in our dark corner, but without sharing our faith we are robbing ourselves of something that is essential for our survival.

                Am I actively seeking to develop relationships in which I could share the gospel? Am I praying for these types of relationships to come into my life? What hinders my heart from wanting to share the love of Christ? The most loving thing you can do for another person is introduce them to their Creator.

                Lord, forgive me for keeping myself from this great task you have entrusted me with. Help me to learn how to introduce others to You. Please bring others into my life who need to know You and help me to develop a relationship with them in which I could talk about You. Amen.

Understanding Weakness

My husband's first day of School

                When my husband first entered into his career as a teacher, I thought that by listening to his stories and his feelings, I would be able to relate to his position. Shortly after he began teaching, I began substitute teaching for the county. After being a substitute teacher for a few months I thought that I knew everything there was about being a teacher and decided to pursue a career in teaching myself. At this point, when my husband came home after a bad day, I felt confident to offer advice or tell him how I had handled difficult situations as a substitute or how I planned to handle them as a full-time teacher. Soon after this, I had my own classroom full of students and my own set of responsibilities and meetings. It was only then that I realized what it is really like being a teacher, and I was miserable. I am grateful for the experience because only now am I able to relate to being a teacher. When my husband comes home after a bad day, I realize now that most of the time what he needs it encouragement, not advice, and to feel like he does not have to face all of his problems alone.

                Hebrews 4:14-16 says, “Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens—Jesus the Son of God—let us hold fast to the confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time.“ In this time, it was intimidating to approach the God who is in charge of distributing justice. Jesus, however, became human so that He could relate to us. Now we are approaching a God who understands all of our failings. We no longer have to be afraid that He will not understand because He has been through all that we are going through. He has experienced loss, failed expectations, misplaced trust, abandonment, betrayal, love, encouragement, intimidation, manipulation, and all of the other things we may face. We are free to admit to Him anything and are blessed with the great knowledge that we do not have to face this world alone.

                Am I afraid to admit parts of myself or my life to God? What do I think is too big in my life for God to understand? What do I feel alone in facing and why have I not invited God into that situation? Do I believe that God really understand me and loves me beyond my weaknesses?

                Lord, please be a part of every part of my life. Thank You for understanding of my mistakes and of my struggles. Help me to overcome any fear that I have in admitting to You when I fall short and accept the help that You offer. Amen.

Bold Embarassment

This is my best friend who is not mentioned in this post

                I imagine the moment you realize that your teenager is embarrassed to call you his parent would be one of the most painful things to experience. My child is not nearly old enough to be embarrassed of me yet, but I do know what it is like to have someone be ashamed of you. When I was in high school, I was very shy. The act of making friends did not come easily to me and my social interactions often ended in uncomfortable silence. Knowing this, one of my friends invited me on a month long trip for seniors in high school put on by a local church. After weeks of pleading with me to attend, she finally convinced me to sign up. On the second day of the trip, she realized my quietness was not a very highly regarded personality trait among this group of teenagers and proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the trip. When we returned home, I felt very alone and insecure having spent an entire month with a group of people that barely spoke to me, but my friend behaved as if everything were just friendly as before we left for the adventure.

                Ephesians 5 is one of my favorite chapters and begins with the familiar reminder to “Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children. And walk in love as the Messiah also loved us and gave Himself for us…” (vs.1-2a). From this, the author transitions into verse 6 which says, “Let no one deceive you with empty arguments, for God’s wrath is coming on the disobedient ...” The author explains that we should guard ourselves against sin and “Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise—making the most of the time, because the days are evil.” (Vs. 15-16). When looking at the full chapter, we realize that we are being asked to walk in love but this does not mean that we should hide the truth.

                I think often in modern Christ followers, we are afraid to offend other people with the truth of God’s word. It is rare that you will find a Christian who shows love to those around him and will still admit with boldness that, according to God’s word, most people will go to hell when they die. We act as if we are ashamed of this part of God as a teenager is ashamed of his parent or my friend in high school was ashamed of me. When no one else is looking, then we pray to God as if we were never ashamed of any part of him and we act as if it is not wrong. When we are following Christ, we should walk in love but speak with boldness not being ashamed of any part of God’s word.

                Are there things about God and the Bible that I am ashamed to speak with boldness? How can I overcome that shame and be confident in my beliefs? Am I bold with my speech but forgetting to love with my actions? How can I change my attitude in order to both walk in love and speak truth with boldness?

                Lord, I am sorry for any time I have acted ashamed of Who You are. Please help me to change my attitude and give me wisdom to speak the truth with boldness. Amen.

Truth and Action

                When I was a child, my parents often told me, “Actions speak louder than words!” Each time I heard this phrase I wondered why my parents did not believe this themselves. For example, my mom would explain to me the importance of obeying the law (do not steal, walk on cross walks, ect.) and then she would go above the posted speed limit. I was told it was good to be generous but was also taught not to make eye contact with the person ringing a bell in front of the grocery store or the homeless man on the corner. I was also taught that we should love and accept all people no matter how different they were, but when I was in high school and had friends that were homosexual or suspected of being lesbian, everyone in my church was concerned about my salvation.

                1 John 3:18 says, “Little children, we must not love with word or speech, but with truth and action.” This verse needs no explanation or description. There is no context that needs to be given because the context does not change the verse’s simple meaning. The church has recently become more accepting of homosexuality which is a big step in the direction of loving with action. This being said, one of my friends recently found themselves in a confusing situation.

                In a group of mixed religious views and backgrounds and mixed sexual orientations, my friend found herself in a discussion about religion. My friend has spent a lot of time among this particular group of people and has developed some very strong friendships within this group, but, in this instance, she became uncomfortable because she was pressured to share her opinion about homosexuality from Christianity’s point of view. On the one hand, she did not want to misrepresent God by saying that He does not consider homosexuality to be a sin, but on the other hand, she did not want to offend her friends or make them feel judged. In this instance, 1 John 3:18 comes to mind in that we must love with truth as well as action. When I have been faced with similar situations, I do not attempt to hide or lie about what God considers to be sin or that He is clear that anyone who does not know Jesus will go to hell. In the same way, I do not judge anyone according to the Bible who does not claim to hold themselves by Its standard. I have found when doing this, that my actions of loving and accepting people generally overcomes any offense that truth my bring.

                Are there areas in my life or people in my life that I do not love with action? What can I change about my actions to show the people in my life that I love and accept who they are? Are there relationships in my life in which I do not love with truth or feel comfortable being honest? What steps can I take to love others with truth?

                Lord, please give me the confidence and discernment to love with truth and action. Help me to show Your love in every relationship that I have. Amen.